Garage Sale Cineaste

Screening Log: August 8

2007-08-14T12:50:00.000-05:00

The Hills Have Eyes II
Directed by Martin Weisz
Written by Wes Craven and Jonathan Craven
Starring: Michael McMillian, Jessica Stroup, Jacob Vargas, Flex Alexander, Daniella Alonso, Eric Edelstein, Lee Thompson Young, Ben Crowley

Two and a half stars (out of four)

Summary: After the events of the first film, the army has sent a team of scientists to the New Mexico desert to study the mutants, but by the time a group of National Guard trainees arrive to deliver supplies, the scientists are missing. When the trainees go off into the hills to search for signs of life, the mutants arrive and start picking them off one at a time.

Short take: The first film (a remake of a Wes Craven movie from the 70s) was unusual in that it didn't completely suck. This sequel isn't quite so lucky. There isn't anything inovative or creative here, but even within its generic tendencies, there's still something here that works. The attacks are quick, startling and pretty brutal, which makes the film work as a genre picture, but there's nothing more substantial here.

Screening Log: August 7

2007-08-07T18:44:00.000-05:00

Once
Directed by John Carney
Written by John Carney
Starring: Glen Hansard, Markéta Irglová

Four stars (out of four)

Summary: A vacuum cleaner repair man (Hansard) and a Czech immigrant (Irglová) meet on the street one day and quickly bond over their mutual love of music. She is so charmed by his original songs, that she seemingly invents reasons to spend time with him, which includes a trip to a music store so he can listen to her play the piano. The pair start a close friendship that quickly shows the potential to be so much more, with the only problem being that he's still in love with his ex and she's got a daughter and an estranged husband back in Czechoslovakia. They continue their relationship, however, eventually leading to her pushing him into laying down a few of his songs on a professional demo tape which he can take to London and get not only a record deal, but his ex back.

Short take: I'm pretty sure I said this exact same phrase a few months ago when I saw Away from Her, but I really mean it this time: Once is easily the greatest film I've seen in the past two years. Although technically a musical, Once is more akin to Dancer in the Dark than Chicago. The singing tends to be more organic, with the characters actually stopping for a few moments to really play a song, and in one instance, annoying/amusing an old woman on the bus with a song full of saucy language. In perhaps the best scene, the guy actually teaches the girl the notes in the three separate segments to the song "Falling Slowly," followed by a hauntingly beautiful performance of the song. I seriously could rave about this movie for hours, but I'll conclude this short review here with just one more sentence: Once is complete, total and absolute perfection.

Screening Log: August 5

2007-08-07T12:19:00.000-05:00

The Bourne Ultimatum
Directed by Paul Greengrass
Written by Tony Gilroy, Scott Z. Burns and George Nofli
Starring: Matt Damon, Julia Stiles, David Strathairn, Joan Allen, Scott Glenn, Brian Cox, Paddy Considine, Edgar Ramirez

Three stars (out of four)

Summary: With Treadstone neutralized, a new government agency starts trying to track down Jason Bourne (Damon) when the name Blackbriar is leaked to the press. Assuming Bourne is the source, Noah Vosen (Strathairn) starts hunting Bourne with an order to kill on sight. Meanwhile, having been brought back into the fold with the articles and the latest manhunt, Bourne starts searching his past for answers to his identity, especially when he starts getting flashbacks of his somewhat unorthodox start as a government assassin.

Short Take: While I'm still a little upset about the death of Marie (Franka Potente) in the second installment, I've decided to give Greengrass the benefit of the doubt, especially when he said that if he had known his flick would turn out to be such a success, he would never have killed her so early in the franchise. Even without Franka, the movie still turns out to be a taut spy thriller, complete with plenty of exciting chase scenes and fight sequences. These scenes, however, do present the film's biggest fault in that Greengrass relies too heavily on the now overused shaky cam segments, which turn out to be, in this case, the entire film. I'm pretty sure that I felt nauseated after about 15 minutes and the flashbacks scenes, with their bright lighting and quick edits, might have given me a seizure somewhere around the hour mark. The challenge of the movie is to actually be able to sit through it, because between the camera work and every theater's need to damage our hearing with such a loud soundtrack, it's easy to want to throw in the towel. Don't. While not quite as much original fun as "The Bourne Supremacy," this third installment is well worth the price of admission, officially killing this summer's threequel curse, just in time for us to officially retire the stupidity of the phrase "threequel."

Screening Log: Canadian Vacation

2007-08-06T13:42:00.000-05:00

What did I ever do before portable DVD players? There's nothing like watching movies while sitting around a lake in the middle of Ontario, especially when everyone else is talking about traffic patterns around Toronto and/or the current state of Cleveland Browns football. So without further ado, here's how I spent my summer vacation:

Howl's Moving Castle (2004) ***
Anatomy (2000) **/
This Film is Not Yet Rated (2006) ***
The Queen (2006) ****
His Girl Friday (1940) ****
The Descent (2005) ***/
Lara Croft: Tomb Raider (2001) **
Geekin' (2006) **/
Adaptation (2002) ***
This is Spinal Tap (1984) ***
Run Lola Run (1998) ****

If that seems a little light (with two 10 hour car trips and five days and my extreme love of movies), then let me add this in too. I also watched the entire second season of Veronica Mars. Yep, I've got a problem.

Screening Log: April 19-July 27

2007-07-27T23:42:00.000-05:00

Yeah, so I guess I fell a little behind with this blog and just decided to neglect it for a while. I'm going to try to update it more frequently now, but in the meantime, I figured I might as well give a list of everything I've seen in the past few months since the last time I listed a screening log, because I know how all of you are dying to know exactly how sad my life is.

Starting April 19, 2007

Waitress (2007) ****
The Happiest Day of His Life (2007) **/
In the Land of Women (2007) **/
Vacancy (2007) ***
Street Fight (2005) ***/
Jesus Camp (2006) ***
The Condemned (2007) **
...So Goes the Nation (2006) **/
Idiocracy (2006) **/
Fracture (2007) ***
Hot Fuzz (2007) ***/
Lucky You (2007) **
The Asbury Park Murder Mystery (1931) **
Queen Bee (1955) ***
Spider-Man 3 (2007) **/
Riding Alone for Thousands of Miles (2005) ***/
Bobby (2006) **/
28 Weeks Later (2007) **/
Black Christmas (2006) **
Mission: Impossible 3 (2006) **/
Shrek the Third (2007) **
Stomp the Yard (2007) */
Incubus (2005) /
Shut Up and Sing (2006) ***/
Flushed Away (2006) ***
Because I Said So (2007) */
The Merchant of Four Seasons (1972) ***
Clerks II (2006) ***
Away From Her (2006) ****
Heathers (1989) ***
Bring It On: All or Nothing (2006) **
Confetti (2006) **/
Bug (2007) **
See No Evil (2006) */
Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End (2007) **
Some Kind of Wonderful (1987) **/
The Motel (2005) ****
Disturbia (2007) ***
The Hitcher (2007) ***
Catch and Release (2007) **
Night at the Museum (2006) **/
Ice Princess (2005) **
Gracie (2007) **
Knocked Up (2007) ***
Music and Lyrics (2007) ***
Daddy (2007) **/
Donny + Ginger (2007) **
Happenstance (2007) ***
Hearts and Hotel Rooms (2007) */
John Tucker Must Die (2006) **/
The Illusionist (2006) ***/
Shaolin Soccer (2001) **/
Ocean's Thirteen (2007) ***
Paris Je T'aime (2006) ***/
Hostel: Part II (2007) **
Grease (1978) ***
The Devil Wears Prada (2006) ***
The Grudge 2 (2006) **
The Bridge (2006) ***
DOA: Dead or Alive (2007) **/
Sleepover (2004) **
Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer (2007) **
Audition (1999) ****
D.E.B.S. (2004) **
Better than Chocolate (1999) **/
Surf's Up (2007) ***
Gray Matters (2006) **/
Russian Dolls (2005) ***/
The Scary Movie (1993) */
High Tension (2003) ***
Waitress (2007) ****
Sicko (2007) ***
Evan Almighty (2007) **/
Freedom Writers (2007) **/
Epic Movie (2007) /
Waiting... (2005) *
Babysitters Club (1995) **
Ratatouille (2007) ***
Lifted (2007) ***/
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (2005) ***/
Transformers (2007) **/
License to Wed (2007) /
Captivity (2007) */
North by Northwest (1959) ****
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (2007) ***
Battle Royale (2000) ****
My Super Ex-Girlfriend (2006) **
Once (2006) ****
Hairspray (2007) ***/
Paprika (2006) **
Logan's Run (1976) ***
Hairspray (1988) **/
The Lost Boys (1987) **/
Home Room (2002) ***
The Simpsons Movie (2007) ***

Well, that's it. Commence judging me and my obsession.

The REAL Must List: Nikki Blonsky

2007-07-26T14:24:00.000-05:00

In between the articles and the reviews, Entertainment Weekly has a regular feature called The Must List, a collection of 10 pop culture items that are the highlights of the week. Recently, the magazine has begun soliciting reader recommendations for the final entry in a given week and unfortunately, I think I missed my chance to get in the magazine this week simply by tossing in my nomination a day or two too late. Therefore, you're going to get it here instead. Handy, huh?

If you saw any of the trailers for the new version of "Hairspray," then you probably saw how New Line made it their mission to turn this movie into a John Travolta vehicle. It makes some sense, since Divine was certainly a presence in the original, and having a huge Hollywood movie star don both a fat suit and do drag is certainly noteworthy. But the other thing that's noticeable in the ads is that the real star of the movie get buried under the guise of that old "introducing" credit that always appears at the end (and sometimes not at all). While it's true that Nikki Blonsky is making her movie debut -- she was still working at Cold Stone Creamery when she got the news that she got the part -- it honestly just seems kind of unfair to demote her to the end of the credits just because its her first movie, especially when she turns in a performance as perfect as this one. Remember last year when everyone was talking about that Jennifer girl that made her debut in a musical? Yeah, Nikki's better. Not only is she completely adorable (see left-- how can you not have a crush on her?), but she's got this infectious energy that just makes the entire movie happy. Seriously, I just couldn't stop smiling while watching this movie. Right from the opening number (the infectious Good Morning Baltimore), she owns this movie. Other people try to come in and usurp it (I'm looking at you, Elijah Kelley!), but then she sings again and its clear that no one's going to be able to top her. Out of all the reviews I've seen, I have yet to see a bad review of Nikki's performance, and with good reason. Everyone else takes some heat from at least somewhere, but never Nikki, which is why she gets the inaugural spot on my must list, a spot which she clearly deserves.

Screening Log: April 16

2007-04-22T17:00:00.000-05:00

La Jette
Directed by Chris Marker
Written by Chris Marker
Starring: Jean Négroni, Hélène Chatelain, Davos Hanich

Three stars (out of four)

Summary: After the Earth has been demolished by a world war, the survivors start sending people back in time, including one man who is still haunted by a childhood memory that will, of course, prove fateful.

Short take: Serving as the basis for the full-length Twelve Monkeys, this short is actually manages to make avant-garde film techniques interesting. Composed entirely of a photo montage with a narrative voice-over, La Jette is visually interesting, but it's a story that's simply too complex for its style. The most successful offbeat films tend to be those that don't feature such a rigid narrative, and perhaps a more loose story would have served this film well. As it is, there are fantastic elements at work here, just not ones that ultimately gel into something better.

Screening Log: 24th Annual Ohio 24 Hour Science Fiction Marathon, Part Four

2007-04-20T15:30:00.000-05:00

Chopping Mall
Directed by Jim Wynorski
Written Jim Wynorski and Steve Mitchell
Starring: Kelli Maroney, Tony O'Dell, Russell Todd, Karrie Emerson, Barbara Crampton, Nick Segal, John Terlesky, Suzee Slater, Mary Woronov

Two and a half stars (out of four)

Summary: Beefing up their security, a suburban mall invest in three cutting edge anti-theft robots to patrol the mall after it locks down at midnight. After a lightning strike shorts out the robots, they are activated with a new program to kill anyone in its path. Coincidentally, eight mall employees get trapped in the mall after staying after hours for a private party. The robots react violently and start of the obligitory killing spree, ensuring that by the time the doors reopen in the morning, there won't be eight teens left to walk out.

Short take: I think it's pretty amusing that a film called Chopping Mall actually features no chopping. Apparently it was originally called Killbots, but after some dismal test screenings in Arizona, producer Roger Corman and Wynorski decided to change the name before remarketing it. No matter what the title, though, Chopping Mall is still 100% an '80s horror flick, complete with bad actors and cheesy special effects. I actually think that's half the charm. It's pretty clear the Wynorski isn't taking himself too seriously here and I definitely think it adds to the film's camp charm. While it certainly never approaches the level of quality horror (like Halloween or Scream), it's still full of fun and total nonsense.

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Night of the Comet
Directed by Thom Eberhardt
Written by Thom Eberhardt
Starring: Catherine Mary Stewart, Kelli Maroney, Robert Beltran, Sharon Farrell, Mary Woronov, Geoffrey Lewis, Peter Fox

Two and a half stars (out of four)

Summary: After a comet wipes out most of the human race (they've all been turned into piles of dust), a few survivors come out of hiding and make contact with a government installation that has sinister plans for those not disintrigated or turned into zombies.

Short take: More cheesy '80s horror flicks! Once again, the charm is in the cheesy camp and this flick is swimming in it. Let's just say that not only is one of the survivors a cheerleader, but there's a montage set to Cyndi Lauper's "Girls Just Want to Have Fun" (even though IMDB says its sung by some woman named Tami Holbrook). I think that kind of says it all, right?

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Galaxy of Terror (or Mindwarp: An Infinity of Terror)
Directed by Bruce D. Clark
Written by Bruce D. Clark and Marc Siegler
Starring: Edward Albert, Erin Moran, Ray Walston, Bernard Behrens, Zalman King, Robert Englund, Taaffe O'Connell, Sid Haig, Grace Zabriskie

One and a half stars (out of four)

Summary: When a rescue ships travels to a distant planet, the crew is surprised to discover a strange pyramid. Surprise turns to dread, however, when the crew starts facing their nightmares, often with fatal results.

Short takes: What? I mean, what? While it's nice to see Freddy Krueger without his glove full of razor blades, I swear that this movie makes absolutely no sense. Some of the acting is surprisingly good, but it certainly doesn't make up for a total lack of cohesive storytelling. Somehow dismal isn't quite a strong enough word.

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Flash Gordon
Directed by Mike Hodges
Written by Lorenzo Semple Jr.
Starring: Sam J. Jones, Melody Anderson, Max von Sydow, Topol, Ornella Muti, Timothy Dalton, Brian Blessed

Three stars (out of four)

Summary: Football star Flash Gordon (Jones) and two friends travel to the planet Mondo, ruled by Ming the Merciless (von Sydow), who decides to take the Earthlings as his slaves. Dale (Anderson) is set to be Ming's new concubine, Dr. Zarkov (Topol) will have his memory wiped and be set up as one of Ming's scientists and because he resisted, Ming has ordered the execution of Flash. Now all Flash has to do is save himself, rescue his compatriots, stop Ming and save the Earth from distruction. Of course, it's should be no problem for Flash (ah ah ah)!

Short take: I think Flash Gordon should always be awarded bonus points for the scenes featuring Flash's resistance, but only for that moment where Flash gets hit in the face with a metal ball. In retrospect, though, I have to wonder whether my enjoyment of this flick stems from the situation in which I saw it. With everyone singing along to the theme, it's easy to get caught up in all the flash (sorry about the pun) and spectacle. Still, Flash Gordon has a very straightforward story (which is apparently a rarity in the science fiction genre) and anything with Max von Sydow can't be all bad. Like The Rocky Horror Picture Show, it's a fine feature made even better by a screening with a large crowd without a lot of shame.

Screening Log: 24th Annual Ohio 24 Hour Science Fiction Marathon, Part Three

2007-04-18T21:55:00.000-05:00

Zombie-American
Directed by Nick Poppy
Written by Nick Poppy and Ed Helms
Starring: Ed Helms

Three stars (out of four)

Summary: Glen (Helms) is just your average New Yorker, playing basketball, doing crossword puzzles and looking for love. And oh yeah, he's a zombie. Or perhaps more accurately, a zombie-American, a member of a discriminated group of people just expecting equal rights...and the occasional brain.

Short take: With Helms being a veteran of both The Daily Show and The Office, the comparisons are pretty obvious and with good reason. Zombie-American is done in the same faux-documentary style as Helms' previous work (which is definitely a good thing). I can't help but wonder, though, whether this is a short that will stand up to repeat viewings. As of right now, it's a smart, funny piece of work. I just hope it stays that way.

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Fido
Directed by Andrew Currie
Written by Robert Chomiak and Andrew Currie
Starring: Billy Connolly, Carrie-Anne Moss, Dylan Baker, K'Sun Ray, Henry Czerny, Tim Blake Nelson

Three and a half stars (out of four)

Summary: Set in a retro future that resembles the 1950s after most of the world has been rendered inhospitable by zombies, Fido tells the story of a boy (Ray) and his beloved pet zombie (Connolly). A corporation called ZomCon has discovered a way to domesticate zombies, turning them into tame, neutered servants, and the Robinsons have finally caught up with the rest of the neighborhood with Fido. But when Fido's neutralizing collar goes on the fritz and he kills a neighbor, little Timmy must keep his pet from being taken away and thrown back out into the wild.

Short take: If you doubt that Fido is one of the funniest movies I've seen in a long time, consider this scene: after Fido makes a fool of Timmy's frequent bullies, they take revenge by tying him to a tree with the plan to "save" him from his own zombie, thus forcing ZomCon to come reclaim Fido. Their plan goes wrong, however, when Fido actually attacks them, turning them into zombies. Before they have a chance to rise again, Timmy has to send Fido for help when the zombie's unable to untie the ropes. Despite his malfunctioning collar, Fido runs back to Timmy's mom Helen (Moss) for help. Knowing something's wrong, Helen faces Fido and asks "Where's Timmy, Fido," and if you're immediate thought isn't that he's stuck down a well, then, well, maybe this film isn't for you. Otherwise, this flick is a surprisingly smart mix of "Pleasantville" and "Shawn of the Dead," which means its definitely a whole lot of goofy fun.

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Gravity
Directed by Michael Nankin and David Wechter
Written by Michael Nankin and David Wechter
Starring: Michelle Stacy, Mitzi McCall, Arica Reinhardt, Lilian Wechter, Ed Bloom, David Frishberg, Larry Van Nuys

Three and a half stars (out of four)

Summary: Done in the style of old public school education films, Gravity attempts to answer Mary Jane's (Stacy) simple question, "What is gravity?" After asking her family members, she seeks the help of a scientist (Bloom) who informs her that gravity, caused by a substance called GR12, is running out. He enlists the help of cartoon character Jiminy Gravity to offer some helpful hints on how to conserve gravity, which include not sitting in chairs and carrying helium balloons.

Short take: Does it need to be said that this is a parody? This is another of those comedic shorts that has become a 24 Hour Sci-Fi Marathon tradition, except this one actually makes sense. I think this actually says it all: Every year, the Marathon selects something to be added to the hall of fame. Past inductees have included Marvin the Martian, Darth Vader, Godzilla and an Alien (from Alien, of course). The inductee from Marathon No. 5 is Big Sister (Reinhardt), who is in the middle of receiving oral sex from her boyfriend when Mary Jane comes to ask about gravity. Nuf said, right?

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Automatons
Directed by James Felix McKenney
Written by James Felix McKenney
Starring: Christine Spencer, Angus Scrimm, Brenda Cooney

One and a half stars (out of four)

Summary: After the world has been leveled into a post-apocalyptic wasteland, a lone girl (Spencer) lives in a bunker with her robots and send them to attack another nearby settlement. As she fixes the ones damaged by the enemy, she listens to diary recordings from her father (Scrimm), who began building robots during the war that eventually made the surface inhospitable, which also why the rest of the known survivors are considered the enemy.

Short take: The first ten minutes of this movie is a slow-changing radar screen and a few salt shaker-looking robots shuffling across a desolate desert. What the hell? There are definitely interesting film techniques at work here, mostly to cover the complete lack of budget, but slightly intriguing visuals doesn't counterbalance a total lack of a coherent script.

Screening Log: 24th Annual Ohio 24 Hour Science Fiction Marathon, Part Two

2007-04-18T13:54:00.000-05:00

Space Boy
Directed by Renate Druks
Written by Florence Marly
Starring: Florence Marly, Stuart Thompson

One star (out of four)

Summary: Velana (Marly) digs Space Boy (Thompson) and wears a nude body stocking covered in jewels. Then Space Boy dies or something like that. The end.

Short take: Apparently this short has become a 24 Hour Sci-Fi Marathon tradition, which is probably the only reason it made an appearance because it honestly makes no sense whatsoever. Not only did it win an award at the 1973 Cannes Film Festival, but it's caused a minor controversy because of its disputed association with Frank Zappa. I'm honestly not sure if he worked on the title song or not, and while I'm sure I could research further and offer some sort of explanation, that would involve way more effort that this piece of crap is worth.

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The Great Yokai War
Directed by Takashi Miike
Written by Takashi Miike, Mitshuiko Sawamura and Takehiko Itakura
Starring: Ryunosuke Kamiki, Hiroyuki Miyasako, Chiaki Kuriyama, Etsushi Toyokawa, Bunta Sugawara, Mai Takahashi, Masaomi Kondo

Four stars (out of four)

Summary: As part of a local festival, an alienated boy (Kamiki) is chosen to be the town's ceremonial Kirin Rider for the year, but when a war breaks out among the yokai, mystical creatures common in Japanese folklore, it's up to the Kirin Rider to defend the more passive yokai from the evil Kato (Toyokawa), who's turning them into evil, vengeful spirits.

Short take: Like so many fantasy films, the specifics of the narrative aren't nearly as important as the visual feast that can be presented, and in that regard, Miike has done wonders. Many of the traditional yokai are somewhat crazy (for example, Karakasa is a talking umbrella and Hitodama is a fireball possessing a human spirit) but they're always treated with respect. One of the reasons why I think it works is that the yokai are often a combination of elaborate costumes and more flashy CGI work. The New York Times review makes a nice comparison by saying that at times, The Great Yokai War often feels like the live-action response to the animated films of Hayao Miyazaki (and if you know me at all, you know I consider that a very high compliment), and I definitely think there's some truth to that. I think this is perhaps one of those instances where the cultural barriers really restrict a complete understanding of this film, as I suspect many Japanese people have grown up with the type of folklore that the picture casually refers to, and because of that, I think they might understand the story a little better, just like I'm sure something like Hoodwinked probably didn't play as well over there. Still, there's plenty here to enthusiastically recommend and this film certainly lived up to all my expectations. Being a huge fan of Miike's Audition (which if you haven't seen, is DRASTICALLY different than this children's fantasy flick), this was the film I was most looking forward to seeing and I definitely think it lived up to its potential.

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Puzzlehead
Directed by James Bai
Written by James Bai
Starring: Stephen Galaida, Robbie Shapiro

Three stars (out of four)

Summary: Played out in an unspecified wasteland future, scientist Walter (Galaida) constructs himself a robotic clone called Puzzlehead (also Galaida). He teaches his creation to play chess and the piano, do his chores and spy on Julia (Shapiro), the checkout girl at a nearby market and longtime object of Walter's crush. Because Puzzlehead possesses all of Walter's memories too, he too falls for Julia, and when he foils a robbery attempt, Julia finally takes notice of "Walter." Jealous of his creation's success with Julia, Walter starts scheming to take Puzzlehead's place with her, but when Puzzlehead starts noticing that days are passing at a faster rate, he deduces what Walter is up to, which places man and creation against each other for their mutual love.

Short take: Much more psychological that anticipated, Puzzlehead is actually a very slow, deliberate take on the escalating tension between a man and his mechanical creation. Once you get into it, though, it's actually pretty entertaining. The one thing I've yet to figure out is whether Galaida is terrific or horrendous. His performance is pretty wooden, suggesting the latter, but since he's playing a robot, maybe it's supposed to be. This is certainly one of those cinematic movies that's designed to be more interesting than entertaining, and in that regard, it works. I'm not sure I'll be watching it again anytime soon (like a few other flicks from this marathon), but it's certainly worth the one-shot viewing.

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Frankenstein Meets the Spacemonster
Directed by Robert Gaffney
Written by R.H.W. Dillard, George Garrett and John Rodenbeck
Starring: Robert Reilly, Marilyn Hanold, Lou Cutell, James Karen, Nancy Marshall, David Kerman

One and a half stars (out of four)

Summary: When a war on Mars decimates the planet's female population, Princess Marcuzan (Hanold) and Dr. Nadir (Cutell) travel to Earth to recruit women for their new breeding program. At the same time, NASA constructs an android (Reilly) for their latest launch, but fearing its an attack, the Martians shoot it down. Suffering from circuit damage, the android starts terrorizing Puerto Rico natives while the Martians begin collecting girls at the beach and pool parties.

Short take: It's called Frankenstein Meets the Spacemonster! What do expect? Cutell's Dr. Nadir is perhaps the worst movie character I've ever seen, thanks in large part of Cutell's constant decision to stare into the camera. Antithetically, I believe this also makes him the single most interesting character in this entire movie. As is the case for many B-flicks, Frankenstein Meets the Spacemonster gets its entire watchability simply from it being one of the least watchable movies ever produced. It's certainly a fun time with a group of 300 snarky sci-fi dorks, but make no mistake, this flick is horrendous.

Screening Log: 24th Annual Ohio 24 Hour Science Fiction Marathon, Part One

2007-04-16T18:49:00.000-05:00

Since I've got 11 movies (I slept through one) and a handful of shorts to blog about, I know this will take me a couple of entries so keep checking back. All the films will be reviewed and the entire event will be summed up with an entry about the experience itself. In other words, prepare for plenty more 24th Annual Ohio 24 Hour Science Fiction Marathon action.

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Duck Dodgers in the 24 1/2th Century
Directed by Chuck Jones
Written by Michael Maltese
Starring: Daffy Duck, Porky Pig, Marvin the Martian (aka Chuck Jones)

Three and a half stars (out of four)

Summary: Duck Dodgers (whose full name is apparently Duck Dodgers in the 24 1/2th Century) is shipped off to find Planet X, supposedly a source of the precious shaving cream atom. But all he finds when he gets to the planet is Marvin the Martian, trying to claim the planet for Mars. And, of course, hilarity ensues!

Short take: The sad thing about writing a review of this cartoon is that no matter how short you try to make it, it's bound to be longer than the cartoon itself. I'm not sure it was ever really designed to be considered an independent short film, but history has definitely elevated it to that level. I'm not sure quite why it's brilliant, especially since it's only 7 minutes long, but somewhere in the innocent humor of the whole thing, it goes from just another cartoon to a brilliant classic.

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Twelve Monkeys
Directed by Terry Gilliam
Written by David Webb Peoples and Janet Peoples
Starring: Bruce Willis, Madeleine Stowe, Brad Pitt, Christopher Plummer, David Morse, Frank Gorshin

Three stars (out of four)

Summary: By the year 2035, only 1% of the population still exists, the others wiped out by a plague released in late 1996. James Cole (Willis), a convict with a chance of parole, is being sent into the past to bring back a sample of the virus so an antidote can be found and the surface can once again by habitable. Mistakenly sent to 1990, he's quickly put in a mental institution under the care of Dr. Railly (Stowe) for ranting about the future, where he meets nutcase Jeffrey Goines (Pitt), the son of a famous scientist. When he's sent to the right time, he once again finds himself with Dr. Railly and Jeffrey, one as the victim of a kidnapping and the other as the man with his answers.

Short take: Based on the 1962 French film La Jette (which can be found in its entirety on youtube, in both French and dubbed in English) , Twelve Monkeys actually makes time travel seem credible to me, which is big since my mind doesn't let me forget that its physically impossible, not even for Back to the Future. I think it's biggest problem is that it's expanding a half hour short into a full feature and all the extra stuff sometimes seems to be unnecessary filler. I understand that Cole's trip back to World War I makes sense with the bullet and all that, but it seems like there were probably better ways to approach it. I don't know. Perhaps I'm being overcritical, especially since Gilliam has actually managed to put Stowe into a role that suggests she's talented. It's definitely got plenty of flaws, but there's plenty of talent there too.

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Spaceboy
Directed by Ransom Riggs
Written by Ransom Riggs
Starring: Arman Zajic, Michelle Page, Chris Emerson

Two and a half stars (out of four)

Summary: Max (Zajic) is a kid aliened from his peers because of his obsession with aliens. He actually manages to make a connection with his older brother's punk rock bandmate/girlfriend, but when he thinks he's had otherworldly contact, he's so excited to tell her that he manages to alienate her too. Torn between his present and his potential future, he's faced with a choice: should he stay or should he go?

Short take: If Spaceboy is any indication, Riggs has a great future as a midlevel Hollywood hack director. Spaceboy has no major problems, but it's not exactly wonderful either. It just kind of is. It's entertaining enough and thankfully short, but completely predictable and totally forgettable. As I said, it just kind of is.

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King Dinosaur
Directed by Bert I. Gordon
Written by Tom Gries, Bert I. Gordon and Al Zimbalist
Starring: William Bryant, Wanda Curtis, Douglas Henderson, Patti Gallagher, Joe (a monkey, a lemur, a kinkajou???), a space alligator, a space iguana, a space Gila monster (AKA dinosaurs)

One and a half stars (out of four)

Summary: When a new planet is discovered, a team of scientists is sent to determine if its safe for human habitat. Everything seems fine until they set up camp and begin to explore their surroundings. After the doctor is injured fighting with an alligator, the others decided to investigate an island while he recovers. Accompanied by their new pet Joe, the scientists are attacked by ravenous dinosaurs (played by a variety of reptiles) and trapped in a cave that they may never escape from.

Short take: All you really need to know is that King Dinosaur was once featured on Mystery Science Theater 3000, so if you're expecting any level of quality, look elsewhere. With that said, this is certainly one of those films that's hysterical to watch, especially with a large group of people cracking jokes at the film's expense. I mean, any movie that tries to pass an iguana off as a T-Rex is stretching pretty far. Joe, though, makes up for a lot of that and earns the film back a few points, especially when the actors seem to treat him worse as the film progresses. While it's certainly not the worst movie I've ever seen, it's pretty close, but unless you're an idiot, you know that going in, making this film pretty much exactly what you'd expect.

China Girls

2007-04-13T13:36:00.000-05:00

I blame David Bowie for my current problems. Maybe I'm just lazy too, because contrary to my recent experience, the Internet is much more than just porn and song lyrics, right? So I've been thinking the past couple of days about the film "Grindhouse," especially since reports have suggested the Harvey Weinstein is thinking of re-releasing each film separately, as he will do both in Europe and on DVD. While I could easily fill an entire entry about that idiotic decision, instead I'll focus on something a little smaller and apparently, a little more obscure.

If you're like me and sat through the end credits of "Grindhouse," you'll probably remember the weird images that flashed on screen as the credits rolled. They were always stationary pictures of women accompanied by color bars, like these (all borrowed from an exhibit by artist Julie Buck):

Because many of the early ones featured Asian women, they were given the nickname "China Girls" (or so I've heard, although that origin is still disputed). These girls would allow projectionists to adjust the color settings if necessary by matching the tones on these pictures so when the film ran, the actors didn't appear to be purple or gray or orange or any other odd color. The thing I find most curious about these girls is to a select group of people, they were amazingly common, but even many film scholars have never heard of them, probably because they weren't part of the filmmaking process, only the distribution and exhibition. That's perhaps why I had such a hard time tracking down any reference to these women. If you type "china girls" into Google, it'll spit back lyrics for a David Bowie song, and if you try an image search, you'll get a lot of box covers for Asian porn. Seriously, the only reference I found to these women was an exhibit by Julie Buck at the Harvard University Art Museum, which featured all of the above photos (which can all be found here on Julie's Web site. Even searches on pages of film terms came up empty. I guess China Girls have become just one of those things lost to obscurity...unless you go sit through the end credits of "Grindhouse," of course. The one positive out of the obscurity, though, is that you can go into a screening confident that you'll be the only person who knows what the hell is going on during the credits. It's not funny or flashy or full of Ben Stiller shaking his giant manboobs to Kelis's "Milkshake"; it's just one more of those weird touches that prove that Quentin Tarantino knows more strange bits of film trivia than anyone else in Hollywood today (or at the very least, the only one that feels the urge to broadcast it every chance he gets).

Speaking of the "Grindhouse" end credits, enjoy this youtube video of the song playing over all those China Girl pictures, April March's "Chick Habit."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u0fDnZEacmA (embedded file coming later)

Screening Log: April 12

2007-04-13T12:23:00.000-05:00

Flag Wars
Directed by Linda Goode Bryant and Laura Poitras
Starring: Linda R. Mitchell, Chief Shango Baba Olugbala, Nina Masseria, Jim Yoder, Floyd Goode, Josephine Goode, Richard Pfeiffer, Chuck Spingola

Two stars (out of four)

Summary: The documentary follows the development of Old Towne East, an urban suburb of Columbus, OH. Once a neighborhood full of crumbling Victorian homes, mostly populated by working class African-Americans, the low cost of housing combined with the history of the homes caused an influx of white buyers into the neighborhood, mostly gay male couples. With the new homeowners fixing up their properties, complaints of zoning violations against the neighborhood's long-time residents start to appear, pitting the black residents against the gay ones, metaphorically symbolized by the frequent appearances of African and rainbow flags in the area.

Short take: I recently saw the disastrous gore-porn flick "Turiastas," and in one of the DVD's featurettes, the director claimed his movie was in the cinema verite-style, which basically means it was designed to be naturalistic and, as the translation of the term suggests, a "cinema of truth." That director was an idiot (was he really comparing his movie to the Italian neo-realist movement that produced such masterpieces as "The Bicycle Thief"?), but if Bryant and Poitras want to make the same claim, I won't stand in their way. Unfortunately, their verite style is what turns a movie overflowing with potential into such a disappointing mess. There's no voice over narrative, no helpful intertitles, no interference from the filmmakers whatsoever, which I think is a huge mistake. Understanding the gentrification of a neighborhood is one thing, but understanding the constant mention of code violations for both Mitchell and Olugbala are highly technical and tricky to understand. There's no sense of order here, as the film casually jumps between story lines, whether its Judge Pfeiffer's growing frustration with Mitchell's lack of action or Masseria's pushing of the neighborhood toward the incoming gay community or Spingola's bigoted battles against the gay community, especially during the downtown pride march, or Yoder pouring all of his money into fixing up one of these old houses. There's simply too much stuff thrown in here, without any resemblance of a narrative organizing it into neatly told stories. I still have no idea what's happened with many of these stories. I know, for instance, that Spingola was arrested for taking down and burning a rainbow flag flying at the statehouse and I know that one of the other people reference it later in the film, but that's it. All of a sudden, he disappears from the film. The KKK make a single appearance and the film clearly attempts to show a correlation between the kind of hatred both groups are routinely subjected to, but nothing more is made of the point. I certainly think there's a good movie buried here somewhere, but after watching Flag Wars, I'm just not sure where it is.

Screening Log: April 8

2007-04-08T20:14:00.000-05:00

April 8:

Grindhouse
Directed by Quentin Tarantino and Robert Rodriguez
Written by Quentin Tarantino and Robert Rodriguez
Starring: Rose McGowan, Freddy Rodriguez, Josh Brolin, Marley Shelton, Naveen Andrews, Stacy Ferguson, Kurt Russell, Rosario Dawson, Zoe Bell, Tracie Thoms, Mary Elizabeth Winstead, Vanessa Ferlito, Jordan Ladd, Sydney Tamiia Poitier

Four stars (out of four)

Summary: The first film, Rodriguez's Planet Terror, follows a zombie outbreak as it spreads from a research facility to the community at large. There are a number of survivors, including the local sherrif and his barbecue restaurant owning brother, a doctor, a scientist, two crazy babysitters and a go go dancer with a gun for a leg. The second, Tarantino's Death Proof, is about Stuntman Mike (Russell), a bloodthirsty man with a stunt car designed to keep the driver perfectly safe. Also part of the Grindhouse experience is four fake movie trailers (directed by Rodriguez, Eli Roth, Rob Zombie and Edgar Wright) and other little goodies thrown in for fun.

Short take: How do you even start to critique a movie like Grindhouse, especially since there's not exactly a movie called Grindhouse? Planet Terror certainly felt like the more complete movie, but I think Death Proof was actually more interesting, simply because Tarantino was really the inspiration for this whole endeavor. I think everything about these movies was pretty much perfect, right down to the strategically placed scratches, burns and missing reels, giving it the total grindhouse experience. My only real complaint is that Tarantino perhaps knows too much about movies because he certainly name and title drops like crazy in Death Proof, which reminded me a lot of that scene in Garden State where Natalie Portman says that a song by The Shins will change his world. It's a little too "look at how awesome I am," but so far, Tarantino has proved that he can support his boasting. I just hope he can keep it up.

Screening Log: April 6 & 7

2007-04-07T18:59:00.000-05:00

April 6:

The Host
Directed by Joon-ho Bong
Written by Chul-hyun Baek, Joon-ho Bong and Won-jun Ha
Starring: Kang-ho Song, Ah-sung Ko, Hie-bong Byeon, Hae-li Park, Du-na Bae, Scott Wilson

Four stars (out of four)

Summary: After posionous chemicals are poured into the sewers that connect to Seoul's Han River, they mutant the animals in the water into a huge, scaly, fish-like mutant that crawls on shore to eat humans. When the mutant kidnaps his daughter, Gang-du (Song) must figure out where the creature lives in order to save her.

Short take: Arguably, the only element of this movie that really matters is the creature, and I'm happy to report that the CG looks nearly flawless (although fire and the creature don't seem to mix very well). The story itself is incredibly engaging and the directing is top notch. Everything about this movie is pretty close to perfection.

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April 7

The Hoax
Directed by Lasse Hallstrom
Written by William Wheeler
Starring: Richard Gere, Alfred Molina, Hope Davis, Marcia Gay Harden, Julie Delpy, Stanley Tucci, Eli Wallach

Two and a half stars (out of four)

Summary: Based on a true story, author Clifford Irving (Gere) sells his publishers the official autobiography of noted recluse and potential nutjob Howard Hughes. The only problem is Irving is making the whole thing up.

Short take: The Hoax once again proves that any movie can be made worse by the inclusion of Richard Gere. The actor, who already has no range, has to try and fake Hughes' unique inflection and all it does is sound like Richard Gere doing a phony accent. Luckily, Molina (as Irving's friend and associate) and Davis (as Irving's editor) are both fantastic in their supporting roles. I first heard the Irving story in Orson Welles' brilliant F is for Fake, which was actually about noted art forger Elmyr de Hory, who served as the subject of one of Irving's books. So basically the man who wrote a book about an art forger decided to go out and forge a book. And with the exception of a quick mention at the front of the movie, nothing is made of this! Such a perfect wasted opportunity.

Secret Cinema

2007-04-03T20:28:00.000-05:00

So I have this story that would work beautifully to explain the appeal of the Wexner Center's Secret Cinema screenings, but I realized I can't write it yet. I remember reading about a critic (I think it was Ebert) who saw this particular movie at a film festival without knowing a thing about it, which made the final twist that much more satisfying. See, this is one of those cases where it would really help to name the title because the twist is honestly that good, but I honestly want to try this knowing-nothing thing on someone else, so once I've acomplished that, remind me to come back and talk about the movie again. Man, this story sucked, didn't it?

Well, here's a better story. I remember hearing about the Secret Cinema screenings when I was in New York, and it always sounded like a cool idea, even though I had never heard of any of the movies they show. So here's the set-up: You go and pay $3 to get into the newly remodeled screening room (although it's still not very comfortable) and a Wexner Center employee talks about the movie and starts dropping hints as to the title. You see, when you buy a ticket, you have no idea what kind of movie you're walking into. It could be the Columbus premiere of a recent movie, a newly restored classic or something completely obscure. In this case, the guy said it was a mixture of two and three, which sounds about right. I think the strangest part is even though you've already paid and even though the movie is getting ready to start in a minute or two, they still give nothing specific away. No title and no names. When the lights go out, you're still totally unsure about what's about to start unspooling.

In this case, it was the 1967 British film "Privilege," directed by Peter Watkins. It's a "1984"-esque film that follows the world's biggest pop star (Paul Jones) as he is manipulated into keeping the British youth occupied and out of politics. There's a scene at the very beginning where he's locked in a cage on stage and he has to sing from behind bars. The entire stage is covered in fake cops and all of these girls are crying all over the place and the entire auditorium erupts in chaos when the cops start to hit Stephen (as part of the show). It's absolutely insane and Stephen, once the girls pull the cops off him, just walks off stage and goes into his dressing room with his manager. It honestly is this completely brilliant moment that you, the reader of this blog entry, will probably never see. With the exception of random screenings like this, "Privilege" never gets shown and it's not yet available on DVD. It's a shame too, because it's a movie that's completely worth screening. So therefore, if you ever get the chance to see a completely random movie that you won't know the name of until it starts, you should give it a shot. It might just be this one.