The Hills Have Eyes II
Directed by Martin Weisz
Written by Wes Craven and Jonathan Craven
Starring: Michael McMillian, Jessica Stroup, Jacob Vargas, Flex Alexander, Daniella Alonso, Eric Edelstein, Lee Thompson Young, Ben Crowley
Two and a half stars (out of four)
Summary: After the events of the first film, the army has sent a team of scientists to the New Mexico desert to study the mutants, but by the time a group of National Guard trainees arrive to deliver supplies, the scientists are missing. When the trainees go off into the hills to search for signs of life, the mutants arrive and start picking them off one at a time.
Short take: The first film (a remake of a Wes Craven movie from the 70s) was unusual in that it didn't completely suck. This sequel isn't quite so lucky. There isn't anything inovative or creative here, but even within its generic tendencies, there's still something here that works. The attacks are quick, startling and pretty brutal, which makes the film work as a genre picture, but there's nothing more substantial here.
8.14.2007
8.07.2007
Screening Log: August 7
Once
Directed by John Carney
Written by John Carney
Starring: Glen Hansard, Markéta Irglová
Four stars (out of four)
Summary: A vacuum cleaner repair man (Hansard) and a Czech immigrant (Irglová) meet on the street one day and quickly bond over their mutual love of music. She is so charmed by his original songs, that she seemingly invents reasons to spend time with him, which includes a trip to a music store so he can listen to her play the piano. The pair start a close friendship that quickly shows the potential to be so much more, with the only problem being that he's still in love with his ex and she's got a daughter and an estranged husband back in Czechoslovakia. They continue their relationship, however, eventually leading to her pushing him into laying down a few of his songs on a professional demo tape which he can take to London and get not only a record deal, but his ex back.
Short take: I'm pretty sure I said this exact same phrase a few months ago when I saw Away from Her, but I really mean it this time: Once is easily the greatest film I've seen in the past two years. Although technically a musical, Once is more akin to Dancer in the Dark than Chicago. The singing tends to be more organic, with the characters actually stopping for a few moments to really play a song, and in one instance, annoying/amusing an old woman on the bus with a song full of saucy language. In perhaps the best scene, the guy actually teaches the girl the notes in the three separate segments to the song "Falling Slowly," followed by a hauntingly beautiful performance of the song. I seriously could rave about this movie for hours, but I'll conclude this short review here with just one more sentence: Once is complete, total and absolute perfection.
Directed by John Carney
Written by John Carney
Starring: Glen Hansard, Markéta Irglová
Four stars (out of four)
Summary: A vacuum cleaner repair man (Hansard) and a Czech immigrant (Irglová) meet on the street one day and quickly bond over their mutual love of music. She is so charmed by his original songs, that she seemingly invents reasons to spend time with him, which includes a trip to a music store so he can listen to her play the piano. The pair start a close friendship that quickly shows the potential to be so much more, with the only problem being that he's still in love with his ex and she's got a daughter and an estranged husband back in Czechoslovakia. They continue their relationship, however, eventually leading to her pushing him into laying down a few of his songs on a professional demo tape which he can take to London and get not only a record deal, but his ex back.
Short take: I'm pretty sure I said this exact same phrase a few months ago when I saw Away from Her, but I really mean it this time: Once is easily the greatest film I've seen in the past two years. Although technically a musical, Once is more akin to Dancer in the Dark than Chicago. The singing tends to be more organic, with the characters actually stopping for a few moments to really play a song, and in one instance, annoying/amusing an old woman on the bus with a song full of saucy language. In perhaps the best scene, the guy actually teaches the girl the notes in the three separate segments to the song "Falling Slowly," followed by a hauntingly beautiful performance of the song. I seriously could rave about this movie for hours, but I'll conclude this short review here with just one more sentence: Once is complete, total and absolute perfection.
Screening Log: August 5
The Bourne Ultimatum
Directed by Paul Greengrass
Written by Tony Gilroy, Scott Z. Burns and George Nofli
Starring: Matt Damon, Julia Stiles, David Strathairn, Joan Allen, Scott Glenn, Brian Cox, Paddy Considine, Edgar Ramirez
Three stars (out of four)
Summary: With Treadstone neutralized, a new government agency starts trying to track down Jason Bourne (Damon) when the name Blackbriar is leaked to the press. Assuming Bourne is the source, Noah Vosen (Strathairn) starts hunting Bourne with an order to kill on sight. Meanwhile, having been brought back into the fold with the articles and the latest manhunt, Bourne starts searching his past for answers to his identity, especially when he starts getting flashbacks of his somewhat unorthodox start as a government assassin.
Short Take: While I'm still a little upset about the death of Marie (Franka Potente) in the second installment, I've decided to give Greengrass the benefit of the doubt, especially when he said that if he had known his flick would turn out to be such a success, he would never have killed her so early in the franchise. Even without Franka, the movie still turns out to be a taut spy thriller, complete with plenty of exciting chase scenes and fight sequences. These scenes, however, do present the film's biggest fault in that Greengrass relies too heavily on the now overused shaky cam segments, which turn out to be, in this case, the entire film. I'm pretty sure that I felt nauseated after about 15 minutes and the flashbacks scenes, with their bright lighting and quick edits, might have given me a seizure somewhere around the hour mark. The challenge of the movie is to actually be able to sit through it, because between the camera work and every theater's need to damage our hearing with such a loud soundtrack, it's easy to want to throw in the towel. Don't. While not quite as much original fun as "The Bourne Supremacy," this third installment is well worth the price of admission, officially killing this summer's threequel curse, just in time for us to officially retire the stupidity of the phrase "threequel."
Directed by Paul Greengrass
Written by Tony Gilroy, Scott Z. Burns and George Nofli
Starring: Matt Damon, Julia Stiles, David Strathairn, Joan Allen, Scott Glenn, Brian Cox, Paddy Considine, Edgar Ramirez
Three stars (out of four)
Summary: With Treadstone neutralized, a new government agency starts trying to track down Jason Bourne (Damon) when the name Blackbriar is leaked to the press. Assuming Bourne is the source, Noah Vosen (Strathairn) starts hunting Bourne with an order to kill on sight. Meanwhile, having been brought back into the fold with the articles and the latest manhunt, Bourne starts searching his past for answers to his identity, especially when he starts getting flashbacks of his somewhat unorthodox start as a government assassin.
Short Take: While I'm still a little upset about the death of Marie (Franka Potente) in the second installment, I've decided to give Greengrass the benefit of the doubt, especially when he said that if he had known his flick would turn out to be such a success, he would never have killed her so early in the franchise. Even without Franka, the movie still turns out to be a taut spy thriller, complete with plenty of exciting chase scenes and fight sequences. These scenes, however, do present the film's biggest fault in that Greengrass relies too heavily on the now overused shaky cam segments, which turn out to be, in this case, the entire film. I'm pretty sure that I felt nauseated after about 15 minutes and the flashbacks scenes, with their bright lighting and quick edits, might have given me a seizure somewhere around the hour mark. The challenge of the movie is to actually be able to sit through it, because between the camera work and every theater's need to damage our hearing with such a loud soundtrack, it's easy to want to throw in the towel. Don't. While not quite as much original fun as "The Bourne Supremacy," this third installment is well worth the price of admission, officially killing this summer's threequel curse, just in time for us to officially retire the stupidity of the phrase "threequel."
8.06.2007
Screening Log: Canadian Vacation
What did I ever do before portable DVD players? There's nothing like watching movies while sitting around a lake in the middle of Ontario, especially when everyone else is talking about traffic patterns around Toronto and/or the current state of Cleveland Browns football. So without further ado, here's how I spent my summer vacation:
Howl's Moving Castle (2004) ***
Anatomy (2000) **/
This Film is Not Yet Rated (2006) ***
The Queen (2006) ****
His Girl Friday (1940) ****
The Descent (2005) ***/
Lara Croft: Tomb Raider (2001) **
Geekin' (2006) **/
Adaptation (2002) ***
This is Spinal Tap (1984) ***
Run Lola Run (1998) ****
If that seems a little light (with two 10 hour car trips and five days and my extreme love of movies), then let me add this in too. I also watched the entire second season of Veronica Mars. Yep, I've got a problem.
Howl's Moving Castle (2004) ***
Anatomy (2000) **/
This Film is Not Yet Rated (2006) ***
The Queen (2006) ****
His Girl Friday (1940) ****
The Descent (2005) ***/
Lara Croft: Tomb Raider (2001) **
Geekin' (2006) **/
Adaptation (2002) ***
This is Spinal Tap (1984) ***
Run Lola Run (1998) ****
If that seems a little light (with two 10 hour car trips and five days and my extreme love of movies), then let me add this in too. I also watched the entire second season of Veronica Mars. Yep, I've got a problem.
7.27.2007
Screening Log: April 19-July 27
Yeah, so I guess I fell a little behind with this blog and just decided to neglect it for a while. I'm going to try to update it more frequently now, but in the meantime, I figured I might as well give a list of everything I've seen in the past few months since the last time I listed a screening log, because I know how all of you are dying to know exactly how sad my life is.
Starting April 19, 2007
Waitress (2007) ****
The Happiest Day of His Life (2007) **/
In the Land of Women (2007) **/
Vacancy (2007) ***
Street Fight (2005) ***/
Jesus Camp (2006) ***
The Condemned (2007) **
...So Goes the Nation (2006) **/
Idiocracy (2006) **/
Fracture (2007) ***
Hot Fuzz (2007) ***/
Lucky You (2007) **
The Asbury Park Murder Mystery (1931) **
Queen Bee (1955) ***
Spider-Man 3 (2007) **/
Riding Alone for Thousands of Miles (2005) ***/
Bobby (2006) **/
28 Weeks Later (2007) **/
Black Christmas (2006) **
Mission: Impossible 3 (2006) **/
Shrek the Third (2007) **
Stomp the Yard (2007) */
Incubus (2005) /
Shut Up and Sing (2006) ***/
Flushed Away (2006) ***
Because I Said So (2007) */
The Merchant of Four Seasons (1972) ***
Clerks II (2006) ***
Away From Her (2006) ****
Heathers (1989) ***
Bring It On: All or Nothing (2006) **
Confetti (2006) **/
Bug (2007) **
See No Evil (2006) */
Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End (2007) **
Some Kind of Wonderful (1987) **/
The Motel (2005) ****
Disturbia (2007) ***
The Hitcher (2007) ***
Catch and Release (2007) **
Night at the Museum (2006) **/
Ice Princess (2005) **
Gracie (2007) **
Knocked Up (2007) ***
Music and Lyrics (2007) ***
Daddy (2007) **/
Donny + Ginger (2007) **
Happenstance (2007) ***
Hearts and Hotel Rooms (2007) */
John Tucker Must Die (2006) **/
The Illusionist (2006) ***/
Shaolin Soccer (2001) **/
Ocean's Thirteen (2007) ***
Paris Je T'aime (2006) ***/
Hostel: Part II (2007) **
Grease (1978) ***
The Devil Wears Prada (2006) ***
The Grudge 2 (2006) **
The Bridge (2006) ***
DOA: Dead or Alive (2007) **/
Sleepover (2004) **
Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer (2007) **
Audition (1999) ****
D.E.B.S. (2004) **
Better than Chocolate (1999) **/
Surf's Up (2007) ***
Gray Matters (2006) **/
Russian Dolls (2005) ***/
The Scary Movie (1993) */
High Tension (2003) ***
Waitress (2007) ****
Sicko (2007) ***
Evan Almighty (2007) **/
Freedom Writers (2007) **/
Epic Movie (2007) /
Waiting... (2005) *
Babysitters Club (1995) **
Ratatouille (2007) ***
Lifted (2007) ***/
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (2005) ***/
Transformers (2007) **/
License to Wed (2007) /
Captivity (2007) */
North by Northwest (1959) ****
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (2007) ***
Battle Royale (2000) ****
My Super Ex-Girlfriend (2006) **
Once (2006) ****
Hairspray (2007) ***/
Paprika (2006) **
Logan's Run (1976) ***
Hairspray (1988) **/
The Lost Boys (1987) **/
Home Room (2002) ***
The Simpsons Movie (2007) ***
Well, that's it. Commence judging me and my obsession.
Starting April 19, 2007
Waitress (2007) ****
The Happiest Day of His Life (2007) **/
In the Land of Women (2007) **/
Vacancy (2007) ***
Street Fight (2005) ***/
Jesus Camp (2006) ***
The Condemned (2007) **
...So Goes the Nation (2006) **/
Idiocracy (2006) **/
Fracture (2007) ***
Hot Fuzz (2007) ***/
Lucky You (2007) **
The Asbury Park Murder Mystery (1931) **
Queen Bee (1955) ***
Spider-Man 3 (2007) **/
Riding Alone for Thousands of Miles (2005) ***/
Bobby (2006) **/
28 Weeks Later (2007) **/
Black Christmas (2006) **
Mission: Impossible 3 (2006) **/
Shrek the Third (2007) **
Stomp the Yard (2007) */
Incubus (2005) /
Shut Up and Sing (2006) ***/
Flushed Away (2006) ***
Because I Said So (2007) */
The Merchant of Four Seasons (1972) ***
Clerks II (2006) ***
Away From Her (2006) ****
Heathers (1989) ***
Bring It On: All or Nothing (2006) **
Confetti (2006) **/
Bug (2007) **
See No Evil (2006) */
Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End (2007) **
Some Kind of Wonderful (1987) **/
The Motel (2005) ****
Disturbia (2007) ***
The Hitcher (2007) ***
Catch and Release (2007) **
Night at the Museum (2006) **/
Ice Princess (2005) **
Gracie (2007) **
Knocked Up (2007) ***
Music and Lyrics (2007) ***
Daddy (2007) **/
Donny + Ginger (2007) **
Happenstance (2007) ***
Hearts and Hotel Rooms (2007) */
John Tucker Must Die (2006) **/
The Illusionist (2006) ***/
Shaolin Soccer (2001) **/
Ocean's Thirteen (2007) ***
Paris Je T'aime (2006) ***/
Hostel: Part II (2007) **
Grease (1978) ***
The Devil Wears Prada (2006) ***
The Grudge 2 (2006) **
The Bridge (2006) ***
DOA: Dead or Alive (2007) **/
Sleepover (2004) **
Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer (2007) **
Audition (1999) ****
D.E.B.S. (2004) **
Better than Chocolate (1999) **/
Surf's Up (2007) ***
Gray Matters (2006) **/
Russian Dolls (2005) ***/
The Scary Movie (1993) */
High Tension (2003) ***
Waitress (2007) ****
Sicko (2007) ***
Evan Almighty (2007) **/
Freedom Writers (2007) **/
Epic Movie (2007) /
Waiting... (2005) *
Babysitters Club (1995) **
Ratatouille (2007) ***
Lifted (2007) ***/
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (2005) ***/
Transformers (2007) **/
License to Wed (2007) /
Captivity (2007) */
North by Northwest (1959) ****
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (2007) ***
Battle Royale (2000) ****
My Super Ex-Girlfriend (2006) **
Once (2006) ****
Hairspray (2007) ***/
Paprika (2006) **
Logan's Run (1976) ***
Hairspray (1988) **/
The Lost Boys (1987) **/
Home Room (2002) ***
The Simpsons Movie (2007) ***
Well, that's it. Commence judging me and my obsession.
7.26.2007
The REAL Must List: Nikki Blonsky
In between the articles and the reviews, Entertainment Weekly has a regular feature called The Must List, a collection of 10 pop culture items that are the highlights of the week. Recently, the magazine has begun soliciting reader recommendations for the final entry in a given week and unfortunately, I think I missed my chance to get in the magazine this week simply by tossing in my nomination a day or two too late. Therefore, you're going to get it here instead. Handy, huh?
If you saw any of the trailers for the new version of "Hairspray," then you probably saw how New Line made it their mission to turn this movie into a John Travolta vehicle. It makes some sense, since Divine was certainly a presence in the original, and having a huge Hollywood movie star don both a fat suit
and do drag is certainly noteworthy. But the other thing that's noticeable in the ads is that the real star of the movie get buried under the guise of that old "introducing" credit that always appears at the end (and sometimes not at all). While it's true that Nikki Blonsky is making her movie debut -- she was still working at Cold Stone Creamery when she got the news that she got the part -- it honestly just seems kind of unfair to demote her to the end of the credits just because its her first movie, especially when she turns in a performance as perfect as this one. Remember last year when everyone was talking about that Jennifer girl that made her debut in a musical? Yeah, Nikki's better. Not only is she completely adorable (see left-- how can you not have a crush on her?), but she's got this infectious energy that just makes the entire movie happy. Seriously, I just couldn't stop smiling while watching this movie. Right from the opening number (the infectious Good Morning Baltimore), she owns this movie. Other people try to come in and usurp it (I'm looking at you, Elijah Kelley!), but then she sings again and its clear that no one's going to be able to top her. Out of all the reviews I've seen, I have yet to see a bad review of Nikki's performance, and with good reason. Everyone else takes some heat from at least somewhere, but never Nikki, which is why she gets the inaugural spot on my must list, a spot which she clearly deserves.
If you saw any of the trailers for the new version of "Hairspray," then you probably saw how New Line made it their mission to turn this movie into a John Travolta vehicle. It makes some sense, since Divine was certainly a presence in the original, and having a huge Hollywood movie star don both a fat suit
and do drag is certainly noteworthy. But the other thing that's noticeable in the ads is that the real star of the movie get buried under the guise of that old "introducing" credit that always appears at the end (and sometimes not at all). While it's true that Nikki Blonsky is making her movie debut -- she was still working at Cold Stone Creamery when she got the news that she got the part -- it honestly just seems kind of unfair to demote her to the end of the credits just because its her first movie, especially when she turns in a performance as perfect as this one. Remember last year when everyone was talking about that Jennifer girl that made her debut in a musical? Yeah, Nikki's better. Not only is she completely adorable (see left-- how can you not have a crush on her?), but she's got this infectious energy that just makes the entire movie happy. Seriously, I just couldn't stop smiling while watching this movie. Right from the opening number (the infectious Good Morning Baltimore), she owns this movie. Other people try to come in and usurp it (I'm looking at you, Elijah Kelley!), but then she sings again and its clear that no one's going to be able to top her. Out of all the reviews I've seen, I have yet to see a bad review of Nikki's performance, and with good reason. Everyone else takes some heat from at least somewhere, but never Nikki, which is why she gets the inaugural spot on my must list, a spot which she clearly deserves.
4.22.2007
Screening Log: April 16
La Jette
Directed by Chris Marker
Written by Chris Marker
Starring: Jean Négroni, Hélène Chatelain, Davos Hanich
Three stars (out of four)
Summary: After the Earth has been demolished by a world war, the survivors start sending people back in time, including one man who is still haunted by a childhood memory that will, of course, prove fateful.
Short take: Serving as the basis for the full-length Twelve Monkeys, this short is actually manages to make avant-garde film techniques interesting. Composed entirely of a photo montage with a narrative voice-over, La Jette is visually interesting, but it's a story that's simply too complex for its style. The most successful offbeat films tend to be those that don't feature such a rigid narrative, and perhaps a more loose story would have served this film well. As it is, there are fantastic elements at work here, just not ones that ultimately gel into something better.
Directed by Chris Marker
Written by Chris Marker
Starring: Jean Négroni, Hélène Chatelain, Davos Hanich
Three stars (out of four)
Summary: After the Earth has been demolished by a world war, the survivors start sending people back in time, including one man who is still haunted by a childhood memory that will, of course, prove fateful.
Short take: Serving as the basis for the full-length Twelve Monkeys, this short is actually manages to make avant-garde film techniques interesting. Composed entirely of a photo montage with a narrative voice-over, La Jette is visually interesting, but it's a story that's simply too complex for its style. The most successful offbeat films tend to be those that don't feature such a rigid narrative, and perhaps a more loose story would have served this film well. As it is, there are fantastic elements at work here, just not ones that ultimately gel into something better.
4.20.2007
Screening Log: 24th Annual Ohio 24 Hour Science Fiction Marathon, Part Four
Chopping Mall
Directed by Jim Wynorski
Written Jim Wynorski and Steve Mitchell
Starring: Kelli Maroney, Tony O'Dell, Russell Todd, Karrie Emerson, Barbara Crampton, Nick Segal, John Terlesky, Suzee Slater, Mary Woronov
Two and a half stars (out of four)
Summary: Beefing up their security, a suburban mall invest in three cutting edge anti-theft robots to patrol the mall after it locks down at midnight. After a lightning strike shorts out the robots, they are activated with a new program to kill anyone in its path. Coincidentally, eight mall employees get trapped in the mall after staying after hours for a private party. The robots react violently and start of the obligitory killing spree, ensuring that by the time the doors reopen in the morning, there won't be eight teens left to walk out.
Short take: I think it's pretty amusing that a film called Chopping Mall actually features no chopping. Apparently it was originally called Killbots, but after some dismal test screenings in Arizona, producer Roger Corman and Wynorski decided to change the name before remarketing it. No matter what the title, though, Chopping Mall is still 100% an '80s horror flick, complete with bad actors and cheesy special effects. I actually think that's half the charm. It's pretty clear the Wynorski isn't taking himself too seriously here and I definitely think it adds to the film's camp charm. While it certainly never approaches the level of quality horror (like Halloween or Scream), it's still full of fun and total nonsense.
----------------------------------------
Night of the Comet
Directed by Thom Eberhardt
Written by Thom Eberhardt
Starring: Catherine Mary Stewart, Kelli Maroney, Robert Beltran, Sharon Farrell, Mary Woronov, Geoffrey Lewis, Peter Fox
Two and a half stars (out of four)
Summary: After a comet wipes out most of the human race (they've all been turned into piles of dust), a few survivors come out of hiding and make contact with a government installation that has sinister plans for those not disintrigated or turned into zombies.
Short take: More cheesy '80s horror flicks! Once again, the charm is in the cheesy camp and this flick is swimming in it. Let's just say that not only is one of the survivors a cheerleader, but there's a montage set to Cyndi Lauper's "Girls Just Want to Have Fun" (even though IMDB says its sung by some woman named Tami Holbrook). I think that kind of says it all, right?
----------------------------------------
Galaxy of Terror (or Mindwarp: An Infinity of Terror)
Directed by Bruce D. Clark
Written by Bruce D. Clark and Marc Siegler
Starring: Edward Albert, Erin Moran, Ray Walston, Bernard Behrens, Zalman King, Robert Englund, Taaffe O'Connell, Sid Haig, Grace Zabriskie
One and a half stars (out of four)
Summary: When a rescue ships travels to a distant planet, the crew is surprised to discover a strange pyramid. Surprise turns to dread, however, when the crew starts facing their nightmares, often with fatal results.
Short takes: What? I mean, what? While it's nice to see Freddy Krueger without his glove full of razor blades, I swear that this movie makes absolutely no sense. Some of the acting is surprisingly good, but it certainly doesn't make up for a total lack of cohesive storytelling. Somehow dismal isn't quite a strong enough word.
----------------------------------------
Flash Gordon
Directed by Mike Hodges
Written by Lorenzo Semple Jr.
Starring: Sam J. Jones, Melody Anderson, Max von Sydow, Topol, Ornella Muti, Timothy Dalton, Brian Blessed
Three stars (out of four)
Summary: Football star Flash Gordon (Jones) and two friends travel to the planet Mondo, ruled by Ming the Merciless (von Sydow), who decides to take the Earthlings as his slaves. Dale (Anderson) is set to be Ming's new concubine, Dr. Zarkov (Topol) will have his memory wiped and be set up as one of Ming's scientists and because he resisted, Ming has ordered the execution of Flash. Now all Flash has to do is save himself, rescue his compatriots, stop Ming and save the Earth from distruction. Of course, it's should be no problem for Flash (ah ah ah)!
Short take: I think Flash Gordon should always be awarded bonus points for the scenes featuring Flash's resistance, but only for that moment where Flash gets hit in the face with a metal ball. In retrospect, though, I have to wonder whether my enjoyment of this flick stems from the situation in which I saw it. With everyone singing along to the theme, it's easy to get caught up in all the flash (sorry about the pun) and spectacle. Still, Flash Gordon has a very straightforward story (which is apparently a rarity in the science fiction genre) and anything with Max von Sydow can't be all bad. Like The Rocky Horror Picture Show, it's a fine feature made even better by a screening with a large crowd without a lot of shame.
Directed by Jim Wynorski
Written Jim Wynorski and Steve Mitchell
Starring: Kelli Maroney, Tony O'Dell, Russell Todd, Karrie Emerson, Barbara Crampton, Nick Segal, John Terlesky, Suzee Slater, Mary Woronov
Two and a half stars (out of four)
Summary: Beefing up their security, a suburban mall invest in three cutting edge anti-theft robots to patrol the mall after it locks down at midnight. After a lightning strike shorts out the robots, they are activated with a new program to kill anyone in its path. Coincidentally, eight mall employees get trapped in the mall after staying after hours for a private party. The robots react violently and start of the obligitory killing spree, ensuring that by the time the doors reopen in the morning, there won't be eight teens left to walk out.
Short take: I think it's pretty amusing that a film called Chopping Mall actually features no chopping. Apparently it was originally called Killbots, but after some dismal test screenings in Arizona, producer Roger Corman and Wynorski decided to change the name before remarketing it. No matter what the title, though, Chopping Mall is still 100% an '80s horror flick, complete with bad actors and cheesy special effects. I actually think that's half the charm. It's pretty clear the Wynorski isn't taking himself too seriously here and I definitely think it adds to the film's camp charm. While it certainly never approaches the level of quality horror (like Halloween or Scream), it's still full of fun and total nonsense.
----------------------------------------
Night of the Comet
Directed by Thom Eberhardt
Written by Thom Eberhardt
Starring: Catherine Mary Stewart, Kelli Maroney, Robert Beltran, Sharon Farrell, Mary Woronov, Geoffrey Lewis, Peter Fox
Two and a half stars (out of four)
Summary: After a comet wipes out most of the human race (they've all been turned into piles of dust), a few survivors come out of hiding and make contact with a government installation that has sinister plans for those not disintrigated or turned into zombies.
Short take: More cheesy '80s horror flicks! Once again, the charm is in the cheesy camp and this flick is swimming in it. Let's just say that not only is one of the survivors a cheerleader, but there's a montage set to Cyndi Lauper's "Girls Just Want to Have Fun" (even though IMDB says its sung by some woman named Tami Holbrook). I think that kind of says it all, right?
----------------------------------------
Galaxy of Terror (or Mindwarp: An Infinity of Terror)
Directed by Bruce D. Clark
Written by Bruce D. Clark and Marc Siegler
Starring: Edward Albert, Erin Moran, Ray Walston, Bernard Behrens, Zalman King, Robert Englund, Taaffe O'Connell, Sid Haig, Grace Zabriskie
One and a half stars (out of four)
Summary: When a rescue ships travels to a distant planet, the crew is surprised to discover a strange pyramid. Surprise turns to dread, however, when the crew starts facing their nightmares, often with fatal results.
Short takes: What? I mean, what? While it's nice to see Freddy Krueger without his glove full of razor blades, I swear that this movie makes absolutely no sense. Some of the acting is surprisingly good, but it certainly doesn't make up for a total lack of cohesive storytelling. Somehow dismal isn't quite a strong enough word.
----------------------------------------
Flash Gordon
Directed by Mike Hodges
Written by Lorenzo Semple Jr.
Starring: Sam J. Jones, Melody Anderson, Max von Sydow, Topol, Ornella Muti, Timothy Dalton, Brian Blessed
Three stars (out of four)
Summary: Football star Flash Gordon (Jones) and two friends travel to the planet Mondo, ruled by Ming the Merciless (von Sydow), who decides to take the Earthlings as his slaves. Dale (Anderson) is set to be Ming's new concubine, Dr. Zarkov (Topol) will have his memory wiped and be set up as one of Ming's scientists and because he resisted, Ming has ordered the execution of Flash. Now all Flash has to do is save himself, rescue his compatriots, stop Ming and save the Earth from distruction. Of course, it's should be no problem for Flash (ah ah ah)!
Short take: I think Flash Gordon should always be awarded bonus points for the scenes featuring Flash's resistance, but only for that moment where Flash gets hit in the face with a metal ball. In retrospect, though, I have to wonder whether my enjoyment of this flick stems from the situation in which I saw it. With everyone singing along to the theme, it's easy to get caught up in all the flash (sorry about the pun) and spectacle. Still, Flash Gordon has a very straightforward story (which is apparently a rarity in the science fiction genre) and anything with Max von Sydow can't be all bad. Like The Rocky Horror Picture Show, it's a fine feature made even better by a screening with a large crowd without a lot of shame.
4.18.2007
Screening Log: 24th Annual Ohio 24 Hour Science Fiction Marathon, Part Three
Zombie-American
Directed by Nick Poppy
Written by Nick Poppy and Ed Helms
Starring: Ed Helms
Three stars (out of four)
Summary: Glen (Helms) is just your average New Yorker, playing basketball, doing crossword puzzles and looking for love. And oh yeah, he's a zombie. Or perhaps more accurately, a zombie-American, a member of a discriminated group of people just expecting equal rights...and the occasional brain.
Short take: With Helms being a veteran of both The Daily Show and The Office, the comparisons are pretty obvious and with good reason. Zombie-American is done in the same faux-documentary style as Helms' previous work (which is definitely a good thing). I can't help but wonder, though, whether this is a short that will stand up to repeat viewings. As of right now, it's a smart, funny piece of work. I just hope it stays that way.
----------------------------------------
Fido
Directed by Andrew Currie
Written by Robert Chomiak and Andrew Currie
Starring: Billy Connolly, Carrie-Anne Moss, Dylan Baker, K'Sun Ray, Henry Czerny, Tim Blake Nelson
Three and a half stars (out of four)
Summary: Set in a retro future that resembles the 1950s after most of the world has been rendered inhospitable by zombies, Fido tells the story of a boy (Ray) and his beloved pet zombie (Connolly). A corporation called ZomCon has discovered a way to domesticate zombies, turning them into tame, neutered servants, and the Robinsons have finally caught up with the rest of the neighborhood with Fido. But when Fido's neutralizing collar goes on the fritz and he kills a neighbor, little Timmy must keep his pet from being taken away and thrown back out into the wild.
Short take: If you doubt that Fido is one of the funniest movies I've seen in a long time, consider this scene: after Fido makes a fool of Timmy's frequent bullies, they take revenge by tying him to a tree with the plan to "save" him from his own zombie, thus forcing ZomCon to come reclaim Fido. Their plan goes wrong, however, when Fido actually attacks them, turning them into zombies. Before they have a chance to rise again, Timmy has to send Fido for help when the zombie's unable to untie the ropes. Despite his malfunctioning collar, Fido runs back to Timmy's mom Helen (Moss) for help. Knowing something's wrong, Helen faces Fido and asks "Where's Timmy, Fido," and if you're immediate thought isn't that he's stuck down a well, then, well, maybe this film isn't for you. Otherwise, this flick is a surprisingly smart mix of "Pleasantville" and "Shawn of the Dead," which means its definitely a whole lot of goofy fun.
----------------------------------------
Gravity
Directed by Michael Nankin and David Wechter
Written by Michael Nankin and David Wechter
Starring: Michelle Stacy, Mitzi McCall, Arica Reinhardt, Lilian Wechter, Ed Bloom, David Frishberg, Larry Van Nuys
Three and a half stars (out of four)
Summary: Done in the style of old public school education films, Gravity attempts to answer Mary Jane's (Stacy) simple question, "What is gravity?" After asking her family members, she seeks the help of a scientist (Bloom) who informs her that gravity, caused by a substance called GR12, is running out. He enlists the help of cartoon character Jiminy Gravity to offer some helpful hints on how to conserve gravity, which include not sitting in chairs and carrying helium balloons.
Short take: Does it need to be said that this is a parody? This is another of those comedic shorts that has become a 24 Hour Sci-Fi Marathon tradition, except this one actually makes sense. I think this actually says it all: Every year, the Marathon selects something to be added to the hall of fame. Past inductees have included Marvin the Martian, Darth Vader, Godzilla and an Alien (from Alien, of course). The inductee from Marathon No. 5 is Big Sister (Reinhardt), who is in the middle of receiving oral sex from her boyfriend when Mary Jane comes to ask about gravity. Nuf said, right?
----------------------------------------
Automatons
Directed by James Felix McKenney
Written by James Felix McKenney
Starring: Christine Spencer, Angus Scrimm, Brenda Cooney
One and a half stars (out of four)
Summary: After the world has been leveled into a post-apocalyptic wasteland, a lone girl (Spencer) lives in a bunker with her robots and send them to attack another nearby settlement. As she fixes the ones damaged by the enemy, she listens to diary recordings from her father (Scrimm), who began building robots during the war that eventually made the surface inhospitable, which also why the rest of the known survivors are considered the enemy.
Short take: The first ten minutes of this movie is a slow-changing radar screen and a few salt shaker-looking robots shuffling across a desolate desert. What the hell? There are definitely interesting film techniques at work here, mostly to cover the complete lack of budget, but slightly intriguing visuals doesn't counterbalance a total lack of a coherent script.
Directed by Nick Poppy
Written by Nick Poppy and Ed Helms
Starring: Ed Helms
Three stars (out of four)
Summary: Glen (Helms) is just your average New Yorker, playing basketball, doing crossword puzzles and looking for love. And oh yeah, he's a zombie. Or perhaps more accurately, a zombie-American, a member of a discriminated group of people just expecting equal rights...and the occasional brain.
Short take: With Helms being a veteran of both The Daily Show and The Office, the comparisons are pretty obvious and with good reason. Zombie-American is done in the same faux-documentary style as Helms' previous work (which is definitely a good thing). I can't help but wonder, though, whether this is a short that will stand up to repeat viewings. As of right now, it's a smart, funny piece of work. I just hope it stays that way.
----------------------------------------
Fido
Directed by Andrew Currie
Written by Robert Chomiak and Andrew Currie
Starring: Billy Connolly, Carrie-Anne Moss, Dylan Baker, K'Sun Ray, Henry Czerny, Tim Blake Nelson
Three and a half stars (out of four)
Summary: Set in a retro future that resembles the 1950s after most of the world has been rendered inhospitable by zombies, Fido tells the story of a boy (Ray) and his beloved pet zombie (Connolly). A corporation called ZomCon has discovered a way to domesticate zombies, turning them into tame, neutered servants, and the Robinsons have finally caught up with the rest of the neighborhood with Fido. But when Fido's neutralizing collar goes on the fritz and he kills a neighbor, little Timmy must keep his pet from being taken away and thrown back out into the wild.
Short take: If you doubt that Fido is one of the funniest movies I've seen in a long time, consider this scene: after Fido makes a fool of Timmy's frequent bullies, they take revenge by tying him to a tree with the plan to "save" him from his own zombie, thus forcing ZomCon to come reclaim Fido. Their plan goes wrong, however, when Fido actually attacks them, turning them into zombies. Before they have a chance to rise again, Timmy has to send Fido for help when the zombie's unable to untie the ropes. Despite his malfunctioning collar, Fido runs back to Timmy's mom Helen (Moss) for help. Knowing something's wrong, Helen faces Fido and asks "Where's Timmy, Fido," and if you're immediate thought isn't that he's stuck down a well, then, well, maybe this film isn't for you. Otherwise, this flick is a surprisingly smart mix of "Pleasantville" and "Shawn of the Dead," which means its definitely a whole lot of goofy fun.
----------------------------------------
Gravity
Directed by Michael Nankin and David Wechter
Written by Michael Nankin and David Wechter
Starring: Michelle Stacy, Mitzi McCall, Arica Reinhardt, Lilian Wechter, Ed Bloom, David Frishberg, Larry Van Nuys
Three and a half stars (out of four)
Summary: Done in the style of old public school education films, Gravity attempts to answer Mary Jane's (Stacy) simple question, "What is gravity?" After asking her family members, she seeks the help of a scientist (Bloom) who informs her that gravity, caused by a substance called GR12, is running out. He enlists the help of cartoon character Jiminy Gravity to offer some helpful hints on how to conserve gravity, which include not sitting in chairs and carrying helium balloons.
Short take: Does it need to be said that this is a parody? This is another of those comedic shorts that has become a 24 Hour Sci-Fi Marathon tradition, except this one actually makes sense. I think this actually says it all: Every year, the Marathon selects something to be added to the hall of fame. Past inductees have included Marvin the Martian, Darth Vader, Godzilla and an Alien (from Alien, of course). The inductee from Marathon No. 5 is Big Sister (Reinhardt), who is in the middle of receiving oral sex from her boyfriend when Mary Jane comes to ask about gravity. Nuf said, right?
----------------------------------------
Automatons
Directed by James Felix McKenney
Written by James Felix McKenney
Starring: Christine Spencer, Angus Scrimm, Brenda Cooney
One and a half stars (out of four)
Summary: After the world has been leveled into a post-apocalyptic wasteland, a lone girl (Spencer) lives in a bunker with her robots and send them to attack another nearby settlement. As she fixes the ones damaged by the enemy, she listens to diary recordings from her father (Scrimm), who began building robots during the war that eventually made the surface inhospitable, which also why the rest of the known survivors are considered the enemy.
Short take: The first ten minutes of this movie is a slow-changing radar screen and a few salt shaker-looking robots shuffling across a desolate desert. What the hell? There are definitely interesting film techniques at work here, mostly to cover the complete lack of budget, but slightly intriguing visuals doesn't counterbalance a total lack of a coherent script.
Screening Log: 24th Annual Ohio 24 Hour Science Fiction Marathon, Part Two
Space Boy
Directed by Renate Druks
Written by Florence Marly
Starring: Florence Marly, Stuart Thompson
One star (out of four)
Summary: Velana (Marly) digs Space Boy (Thompson) and wears a nude body stocking covered in jewels. Then Space Boy dies or something like that. The end.
Short take: Apparently this short has become a 24 Hour Sci-Fi Marathon tradition, which is probably the only reason it made an appearance because it honestly makes no sense whatsoever. Not only did it win an award at the 1973 Cannes Film Festival, but it's caused a minor controversy because of its disputed association with Frank Zappa. I'm honestly not sure if he worked on the title song or not, and while I'm sure I could research further and offer some sort of explanation, that would involve way more effort that this piece of crap is worth.
----------------------------------------
The Great Yokai War
Directed by Takashi Miike
Written by Takashi Miike, Mitshuiko Sawamura and Takehiko Itakura
Starring: Ryunosuke Kamiki, Hiroyuki Miyasako, Chiaki Kuriyama, Etsushi Toyokawa, Bunta Sugawara, Mai Takahashi, Masaomi Kondo
Four stars (out of four)
Summary: As part of a local festival, an alienated boy (Kamiki) is chosen to be the town's ceremonial Kirin Rider for the year, but when a war breaks out among the yokai, mystical creatures common in Japanese folklore, it's up to the Kirin Rider to defend the more passive yokai from the evil Kato (Toyokawa), who's turning them into evil, vengeful spirits.
Short take: Like so many fantasy films, the specifics of the narrative aren't nearly as important as the visual feast that can be presented, and in that regard, Miike has done wonders. Many of the traditional yokai are somewhat crazy (for example, Karakasa is a talking umbrella and Hitodama is a fireball possessing a human spirit) but they're always treated with respect. One of the reasons why I think it works is that the yokai are often a combination of elaborate costumes and more flashy CGI work. The New York Times review makes a nice comparison by saying that at times, The Great Yokai War often feels like the live-action response to the animated films of Hayao Miyazaki (and if you know me at all, you know I consider that a very high compliment), and I definitely think there's some truth to that. I think this is perhaps one of those instances where the cultural barriers really restrict a complete understanding of this film, as I suspect many Japanese people have grown up with the type of folklore that the picture casually refers to, and because of that, I think they might understand the story a little better, just like I'm sure something like Hoodwinked probably didn't play as well over there. Still, there's plenty here to enthusiastically recommend and this film certainly lived up to all my expectations. Being a huge fan of Miike's Audition (which if you haven't seen, is DRASTICALLY different than this children's fantasy flick), this was the film I was most looking forward to seeing and I definitely think it lived up to its potential.
----------------------------------------
Puzzlehead
Directed by James Bai
Written by James Bai
Starring: Stephen Galaida, Robbie Shapiro
Three stars (out of four)
Summary: Played out in an unspecified wasteland future, scientist Walter (Galaida) constructs himself a robotic clone called Puzzlehead (also Galaida). He teaches his creation to play chess and the piano, do his chores and spy on Julia (Shapiro), the checkout girl at a nearby market and longtime object of Walter's crush. Because Puzzlehead possesses all of Walter's memories too, he too falls for Julia, and when he foils a robbery attempt, Julia finally takes notice of "Walter." Jealous of his creation's success with Julia, Walter starts scheming to take Puzzlehead's place with her, but when Puzzlehead starts noticing that days are passing at a faster rate, he deduces what Walter is up to, which places man and creation against each other for their mutual love.
Short take: Much more psychological that anticipated, Puzzlehead is actually a very slow, deliberate take on the escalating tension between a man and his mechanical creation. Once you get into it, though, it's actually pretty entertaining. The one thing I've yet to figure out is whether Galaida is terrific or horrendous. His performance is pretty wooden, suggesting the latter, but since he's playing a robot, maybe it's supposed to be. This is certainly one of those cinematic movies that's designed to be more interesting than entertaining, and in that regard, it works. I'm not sure I'll be watching it again anytime soon (like a few other flicks from this marathon), but it's certainly worth the one-shot viewing.
----------------------------------------
Frankenstein Meets the Spacemonster
Directed by Robert Gaffney
Written by R.H.W. Dillard, George Garrett and John Rodenbeck
Starring: Robert Reilly, Marilyn Hanold, Lou Cutell, James Karen, Nancy Marshall, David Kerman
One and a half stars (out of four)
Summary: When a war on Mars decimates the planet's female population, Princess Marcuzan (Hanold) and Dr. Nadir (Cutell) travel to Earth to recruit women for their new breeding program. At the same time, NASA constructs an android (Reilly) for their latest launch, but fearing its an attack, the Martians shoot it down. Suffering from circuit damage, the android starts terrorizing Puerto Rico natives while the Martians begin collecting girls at the beach and pool parties.
Short take: It's called Frankenstein Meets the Spacemonster! What do expect? Cutell's Dr. Nadir is perhaps the worst movie character I've ever seen, thanks in large part of Cutell's constant decision to stare into the camera. Antithetically, I believe this also makes him the single most interesting character in this entire movie. As is the case for many B-flicks, Frankenstein Meets the Spacemonster gets its entire watchability simply from it being one of the least watchable movies ever produced. It's certainly a fun time with a group of 300 snarky sci-fi dorks, but make no mistake, this flick is horrendous.
Directed by Renate Druks
Written by Florence Marly
Starring: Florence Marly, Stuart Thompson
One star (out of four)
Summary: Velana (Marly) digs Space Boy (Thompson) and wears a nude body stocking covered in jewels. Then Space Boy dies or something like that. The end.
Short take: Apparently this short has become a 24 Hour Sci-Fi Marathon tradition, which is probably the only reason it made an appearance because it honestly makes no sense whatsoever. Not only did it win an award at the 1973 Cannes Film Festival, but it's caused a minor controversy because of its disputed association with Frank Zappa. I'm honestly not sure if he worked on the title song or not, and while I'm sure I could research further and offer some sort of explanation, that would involve way more effort that this piece of crap is worth.
----------------------------------------
The Great Yokai War
Directed by Takashi Miike
Written by Takashi Miike, Mitshuiko Sawamura and Takehiko Itakura
Starring: Ryunosuke Kamiki, Hiroyuki Miyasako, Chiaki Kuriyama, Etsushi Toyokawa, Bunta Sugawara, Mai Takahashi, Masaomi Kondo
Four stars (out of four)
Summary: As part of a local festival, an alienated boy (Kamiki) is chosen to be the town's ceremonial Kirin Rider for the year, but when a war breaks out among the yokai, mystical creatures common in Japanese folklore, it's up to the Kirin Rider to defend the more passive yokai from the evil Kato (Toyokawa), who's turning them into evil, vengeful spirits.
Short take: Like so many fantasy films, the specifics of the narrative aren't nearly as important as the visual feast that can be presented, and in that regard, Miike has done wonders. Many of the traditional yokai are somewhat crazy (for example, Karakasa is a talking umbrella and Hitodama is a fireball possessing a human spirit) but they're always treated with respect. One of the reasons why I think it works is that the yokai are often a combination of elaborate costumes and more flashy CGI work. The New York Times review makes a nice comparison by saying that at times, The Great Yokai War often feels like the live-action response to the animated films of Hayao Miyazaki (and if you know me at all, you know I consider that a very high compliment), and I definitely think there's some truth to that. I think this is perhaps one of those instances where the cultural barriers really restrict a complete understanding of this film, as I suspect many Japanese people have grown up with the type of folklore that the picture casually refers to, and because of that, I think they might understand the story a little better, just like I'm sure something like Hoodwinked probably didn't play as well over there. Still, there's plenty here to enthusiastically recommend and this film certainly lived up to all my expectations. Being a huge fan of Miike's Audition (which if you haven't seen, is DRASTICALLY different than this children's fantasy flick), this was the film I was most looking forward to seeing and I definitely think it lived up to its potential.
----------------------------------------
Puzzlehead
Directed by James Bai
Written by James Bai
Starring: Stephen Galaida, Robbie Shapiro
Three stars (out of four)
Summary: Played out in an unspecified wasteland future, scientist Walter (Galaida) constructs himself a robotic clone called Puzzlehead (also Galaida). He teaches his creation to play chess and the piano, do his chores and spy on Julia (Shapiro), the checkout girl at a nearby market and longtime object of Walter's crush. Because Puzzlehead possesses all of Walter's memories too, he too falls for Julia, and when he foils a robbery attempt, Julia finally takes notice of "Walter." Jealous of his creation's success with Julia, Walter starts scheming to take Puzzlehead's place with her, but when Puzzlehead starts noticing that days are passing at a faster rate, he deduces what Walter is up to, which places man and creation against each other for their mutual love.
Short take: Much more psychological that anticipated, Puzzlehead is actually a very slow, deliberate take on the escalating tension between a man and his mechanical creation. Once you get into it, though, it's actually pretty entertaining. The one thing I've yet to figure out is whether Galaida is terrific or horrendous. His performance is pretty wooden, suggesting the latter, but since he's playing a robot, maybe it's supposed to be. This is certainly one of those cinematic movies that's designed to be more interesting than entertaining, and in that regard, it works. I'm not sure I'll be watching it again anytime soon (like a few other flicks from this marathon), but it's certainly worth the one-shot viewing.
----------------------------------------
Frankenstein Meets the Spacemonster
Directed by Robert Gaffney
Written by R.H.W. Dillard, George Garrett and John Rodenbeck
Starring: Robert Reilly, Marilyn Hanold, Lou Cutell, James Karen, Nancy Marshall, David Kerman
One and a half stars (out of four)
Summary: When a war on Mars decimates the planet's female population, Princess Marcuzan (Hanold) and Dr. Nadir (Cutell) travel to Earth to recruit women for their new breeding program. At the same time, NASA constructs an android (Reilly) for their latest launch, but fearing its an attack, the Martians shoot it down. Suffering from circuit damage, the android starts terrorizing Puerto Rico natives while the Martians begin collecting girls at the beach and pool parties.
Short take: It's called Frankenstein Meets the Spacemonster! What do expect? Cutell's Dr. Nadir is perhaps the worst movie character I've ever seen, thanks in large part of Cutell's constant decision to stare into the camera. Antithetically, I believe this also makes him the single most interesting character in this entire movie. As is the case for many B-flicks, Frankenstein Meets the Spacemonster gets its entire watchability simply from it being one of the least watchable movies ever produced. It's certainly a fun time with a group of 300 snarky sci-fi dorks, but make no mistake, this flick is horrendous.
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